Bypass & Breathe - Don't think, Just do

Last year I announced to my Mum that I was going to start a theatre company knowing full well  that a) I had no idea what that meant b) I had to do it lest I disappoint my Mother any more. I tried to pretend I hadn’t said it for a while until in a flurry of anxiety/excitement I very quietly launched ‘The Bluestocking Theatre Company’. And by that I mean...I made a Facebook page. 

In another fit of progress I rattled off a mission statement (of sorts) - 

 ‘The Bluestocking Theatre Company will celebrate, elevate and illustrate the stories, voices and experiences of Humans identifying as Women. And, in the spirit of balance, it will also seek to tell the stories of people identifying as Men. Mostly it will tell the story of what it means to be Human. To entertain, educate, inspire and ignite, in ways yet to be discovered. Performing work from new, emerging as well as established writers' and artists', it seeks to bring fresh opportunities to those who feel driven by the desire to perform theirs and others' stories, regardless of gender, race, social 'class,' or any other way in which we attempt to label, reduce and classify the Human Being. We will move beyond labels and boxes, we will move into Unity’.

 Fabulous. Then, again, I happily went back to forgetting all about it. Hiding, you might say. Then I finished my first ever full length play, got some actor mates together and read the words I’d written (we called it a research and development session). I took some pictures, stuck them on the FB page and again, returned to doing other things and gazing out the window. Then I booked and paid for a slot at the Greater Manchester Fringe Festival and decided my debut production would be a One. Woman. Show. That woman being me. Very little conscious thought that went into any of this, I'd wake up like Henry Jekyll did after he spent a night rampaging about as Hyde, sweaty and with a profound unease because a part of me was sporadically running riot with an ‘artistic vision’ and I just wanted to eat noodles and watch TV. 

Every which way I could be distracted...I was, the flat got cleaned, every friend I've ever had was summoned for chats and drinks, I spent countless hours on Instagram – but the press release went unwritten, and the piece itself remained a vague notion somewhere in the ether waiting to be channelled through me into my laptop, if only I’d sit down for 5 minutes. And so here I am about to meander into territory I have no map for whatsoever, that fills me with so much terror that if I stop to think, to contemplate what the hell I’m actually doing I will shrink, octopus-like, back into my hole. 

There are forces that dwell within me that scream STOP because Fear is real. Yet we are all natural creators, Artists by design with a need to express ourselves, our Soul. I believe every one of us feels this intrinsically whether we’re conscious of it or not, whether we allow ourselves expression or not. And the only way I can go through the murky process of creating something like a theatre company, with no map and only a dim, blinking head torch semi illuminating the darkness with it's lurking, snarling monsters (both inner and outer) is to not think. Seriously. And to just Do.

Because I am desperately unhappy with how women are portrayed in the arts and in the media. I am desperately unhappy with the opportunities available to us to tell our stories. Too much of what we’re being offered is oversimplified at best and degrading and humiliating at worst. And I’m tired of sitting round whining about it hoping things will change and that I and my sisters will get a chance to express our humanity the way we deserve. And so, I’m not thinking, I’m just doing what I feel needs to be done.

And I say to anyone who secretly wants to write, or act, or dance, or draw or whatever it is that makes your heart beat a little faster (assuming it’s relatively legal…) – DO. Express. Let go. Because it’s through us the change comes, and each one of us has the potential to create real, lasting change into a fairer, better world for everyone.

Catch my first show ‘Emergency Door Release’ on 20^th & 21^st July at the Kings Arms studio, 8 – 8.50pm. 

Tickets here: https://manchesterfringe.eventotron.com/?event=37334